Anonymous asked: What's your thoughts on playing hard to get? Do you think guys like it when you go up to them first? Flirting tips? xoxo
Some might say I play hard to get but I don’t do it consciously. I feel like if you have this huge elaborate step by step plan to string a guy along it’s corny. You don’t have to calculate your every move when you’re flirting. Just be yourself and do what comes naturally to you. It’s important that you’re confident no matter what your flirting style is. Not just guys but people in general can pick up on insecurities and confidence. When you’re dealing with a guy and you’re sure of yourself and comfortable in your own skin, things will play out just fine. No matter what style of flirting you’re into, most guys (if they’re not immature) will respond well to your confidence and respect you for it. Don’t over-think the minor details. As cliche as it sounds, just be yourself. Good luck xoxo
bluestrawberriesandchampagne asked: How do you control your mind? I feel like I spend way too much time worrying about shit I can't control instead of focusing on what I can actually have an impact on. Also, how do I stop depending on others to make me feel whole? I want to rely on myself 100% of the time for everything, whether it's validation, love, support etcccc.... You are amazing. Love ya girl.
The things you can’t control can easily consume your thoughts because let’s be real, for most the thought of not being able to control certain aspects of your life is terrifying. Maybe that’s a little dramatic but you know what I mean. I feel like you stop focusing on things you can’t control when you realize that the things you have an impact on are much more important. Above everything else you have control over yourself. You can’t control certain situations but you can control your reaction. You can’t control what people say and do but you can control whether or not you want them around you. You can’t control how other people feel about you but you can control how you feel about yourself. When you recognize how powerful you are, those other things don’t seem to matter as much. Your impact is bigger than you think. That’s why it’s important to constantly work on strengthening yourself and becoming better and better as time goes on because that affects your life as a whole. Trust yourself and the process. The more you do, the better the results.
Realistically speaking it’s in us as humans to want love, attention, and affection. We want to know people care for us and that’s more than okay. It’s important not to suppress this. However it’s also important not to let that need get out of control and have you making the wrong decisions. You can’t depend on people for the kind of love, support, and validation that comes from YOU. Love, validation, and praise from other people can’t make up for whatever you (not you in particular, just in general) may be lacking within. It doesn’t replace that. Learning how to depend on yourself enables you to have healthier relationships with others. It all goes back to trusting yourself. Treat yourself like you would a trusted family member, best friend, or boyfriend. That means loving yourself with all you have. Defending yourself against anyone or anything that’s not good for you. Being supportive and caring. Always, always build yourself up. Make sure your dialogue you have with yourself is positive. For example let’s say you’re nervous about a test. Talk yourself down from it and tell yourself ”It’ll be okay sweetheart (or whatever term of endearment you like). You’re smart and you got this!”. Or let’s say you’re just having a shitty day. Tell yourself “It’s okay baby have your day. Just don’t let this day define your life. You’ll get up and feel better tomorrow.” Be kind, patient, and nurturing with yourself. Trust that the love you have for yourself is enough. Trust that you don’t have to feverishly seek that from other people because your love and validation is valuable and it is enough. It’s about knowing your worth and knowing that your input in regards to yourself and your life is what matters most. Best wishes mookie love you too! xoxo
shopcticks asked: I like my friend but he also gets hit on a lot and he's too nice to reject anyone who flirts eith him so he kind of just plays along. We're pretty close but i can't help but feel a bit jealous of the other girls. What should I do?
It’s normal to feel some jealousy. If you want to take things to another level you should talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn’t know how you feel and things would change if he did. If you don’t want to outright tell him, drop hints. But don’t be subtle about it. Flirt a lot, use body language etc. See how he reacts. If he’s receptive then that would be a signal for you to just tell him how you feel. You’ll never know if you don’t try. Knowing where you stand will be a lot better than uncomfortably watching on the sidelines and wondering how he feels about you. When you know what he feels, you’ll know where you can go from here. Good luck xoxo
Anonymous asked: Please help, I feel like killing myself. I'm done with everything, I feel alone and stuck and I HATE myself. I don't belong anywhere and I have no one. I am sick of getting my hopes up with everything and I'm so sick of trying. I'm pathetic!
Stop putting yourself down. You’re stepping all over yourself when now more than ever you need to be your strength. It can be very easy to slip into self loathing when you feel you’re not doing things right or things are your fault but that will not help you. You absolutely have to build yourself up. You need to keep your morale up through this and that won’t be possible through calling yourself ever name in the book. I know how hard it is to stay strong when you feel like everything is falling apart but you have to hold it together for yourself. You are valuable, loved, and worthy. You are capable. It’s tough feeling alone but I promise you that you’re not. There are so many people who care about you whether you know it or not. Regardless of whether other people care you absolutely have to care about and love yourself. Your love for yourself is what keeps you strong and it’s what keeps you going. You ARE worthy of receiving love not only from others but from yourself too. You are deserving of it, you owe it to yourself, and it is your right. Your feelings are valid and it’s important that you don’t run away from them or try to cover them up. However don’t drown in those thoughts and those feelings. Don’t treat negative thoughts/feelings as if they are facts. You’re not stuck baby. You have the power to get thing moving in the right direction. You have the power to turn all of this around but you have to be willing to do it. That means confronting these feelings, digging deep within yourself, and possibly reaching out for professional help. You can get through this and come out victorious. Even if no one else believes in you, even if you don’t believe in you, I do. Please do right by yourself and get help. Your life isn’t over. Message me if you have anymore questions and also check out this helpline or this textline if you don’t want to or can’t talk on the phone. I love you boo boo and you will get through this. Best wishes xoxo
Anonymous asked: How do you feel about friends with benefits relationships? Is it worth it?
I’m not a fan to be honest. A lot of the time things end up getting complicated and drama can stir up. It can work if you both are clear about what you want from each other and you also maintain your distance. Like being friends with benefits but always having deep talks, talking all the time, going out, doing relationship kind of things etc. can blur the lines. Someone starts catching feelings and then jealousy and clinginess starts to follow. Simply messy. If you can keep it purely about the “benefits” then maybe it can work out. But to me I just don’t see the point. I don’t like it. I love “flirtationships” though lol. Good luck xoxo
Anonymous asked: best way to clear my head? x
I’m forever saying the same thing but it truly works for me. Take some time to be alone and write out your thoughts and feelings. Be as detailed as you feel necessary. When you’re finished rip up the pages and throw them away. I also like to meditate afterwards. Best wishes xoxo
Anonymous asked: Part 3 oh yeah and I broke up with my boyfriend cause while I was faithful to him he went out and decided to cheat on me but it's cool on to the next. So basically I'm single but talking to somebody right now ... KB
I don’t see the problem with it. You and this girl aren’t real friends and you don’t talk. If you like him, he likes you, and you’re both single then go for it. You’re having fun after a bad relationship so do you. Good luck xoxo
Anonymous asked: Part 2 time to time it was only hi & bye. We didn't really have a friendship. Well now it's my senior year, his senior year, and she is a freshmen in college. They broke up and now were starting to talk to eachother , slowly getting serious. Am I wrong for that ?
Anonymous asked: Part 1 So I really like this guy. I been feeling him out since my sophmore year but at the time I had a boyfriend so I couldn't really do anything about it. It wasn't untill the end of my junior year that he tried to holla at me but I was faithful to my boyfriend so we decided to be just friends, on some chill shit. A few weeks later I find out he goes with my associate. We were cool at one time but we just gradually seperated it was the normal high school thing. From time to time .... KB
Anonymous asked: I like this guy, I know typical right. But the trouble is he is by no means looking for a relationship which has led to me keeping this all to myself. He went to my high school and we kissed when we met up previously, but now he's labelled me as 'frigid' and the only reason he'd meet up again is for a sexual favour, not actual sex though. He's a pretty trustworthy guy so I know if anything was to happen it would stay between the two of us. I just don't know what to do, more so because I like him
You are more than capable of doing what you want with who you want. BUT I’d suggest that since you do have feelings for him you should stay away from that. You don’t grow in situations like that. You’d be walking into this wanting more than what he wants to give. You’d be left feeling empty and used. Him only wanting to deal with you sexually tells you where his head is and where his heart isn’t. If you don’t care and you want what he wants then it’s all good. But if you want more you’d be setting yourself up to fail. Just know that if you walk into this “relationship” it’s not going anywhere and you’d have to be prepared to deal with that. Remember that you don’t have to put up with that shit either though. Don’t settle for anything he tosses you just because you like him. You’re worth more and you deserve more. If he’s not willing to give it to you, you move on. Best wishes xoxo
PS: Him calling you frigid is so corny. He’s only saying that shit to see how far you’d go to prove him wrong. For him to even tell you he’d only meet up again to mess around shows you directly to your face what kind of asshole he is. He’s lame as fuck and you’re wasting your time dealing with someone like that. Drop that clown and get with someone who values you. Even your lil mess arounds/side pieces should respect you. When you have respect for yourself you don’t ever deal with people (on ANY level) who don’t respect you. xo
Anonymous asked: So. My church is very religious and judgy. I follow God commandents, the ten commandents, I pray and have a relationship with God. But I'm a virgin in that is a young adult who plans to have sex with someone she love before marriage I believe that the times in the are different than today. Girls married around or before 14, slavery was okay, and it was okay for a man to have around 4 to seven wives. I believe in God and his word, and his commandments. Am i wrong to believe sex is okay today?
Not at all! Of course there will be people who’ll disagree but that’s their issue. The most important thing to remember is that your relationship with God is YOUR business! Nobody can tell you there’s a right or wrong way to love God. You get to determine all of that. Trust that your best is good enough. Don’t let fear of what people will say, the Bible, or whatever else affect what you feel. Fear and spirituality don’t mix. It’s important that you live a happy, fulfilling life making the choices you want to make because that’s what you feel is right for YOU. You’re not going to get “punished” for it. Good luck xoxo
Anonymous asked: Hi I'm the girl who asked about wanting to get healthy, thanks so much for your advice, I've been trying to drink lots of water. With the healthy eating, I feel like I'm to obsessive with it, because I'm trying to get healthy but I feel like I can't because my ideal healthy eating is like really expensive organic stuff, so I end up thinking if I can't do it properly and have all the healthy expensive stuff I want then there's no point so I go back to junk food. Any advice? Thanks again Xoxox
Baby you can still be healthy without that expensive organic stuff. Step away from all of the health blogs and pages for a second and work with what you have. There’s nothing healthy about being obsessed with health! You can’t afford that organic shit and that’s more than okay. You can still make better choices. Having a healthy lifestyle doesn’t mean punishing yourself. There are no rules saying what you can and can’t do. This is YOUR life. This should not consume your thoughts or your day. Who says you can’t eat cookies? Just cut your portions. Instead of 4, have 2. Eat cake! Just a smaller slice. Don’t put so much emphasis on shopping at organic stores because you can still find good items at your regular supermarket. Check out your supermarket or local farmer’s markets for fruit and vegetables. Look for granola, granola bars, greek yogurt, low fat yogurt etc. Sometimes they’re on sale. Just make sure you’re getting enough water, try to be more active (simply walking places is good enough), and make healthier choices/smaller portions. Have fun with it! Don’t be so hard on yourself. There’s no right or wrong way. Best wishes xoxo
Anonymous asked: I don't wanna search my mans phone as I know it's wrong but what if there was something on there that i need to see? Should I just leave it? What's your advice? Xxxx
Are you sure the answer you’re looking for is on his phone? Forget his phone. Watch him. Look at his actions, his body language, and the way he speaks to you. Be upfront and ask him if he’s doing anything behind your back and watch his reaction. I promise you anything you need to know you will absolutely know. What’s done in the dark will come to light. Plus if he says no and you don’t believe him, I’d suggest you move on. A relationship can’t survive without trust. Good luck xoxo xoxo
Anonymous asked: Part II: Or Anything that makes me feel that way? Thanks. I miss your updates. Hope you are well.
As a black woman when you’re getting hatred from literally everywhere, it can be hard to fully unpack that and not let it affect you. The world continuously beats black women down (especially dark skin women!!) and tries to reduce them to nothing. So it would be natural that you’d still have some lingering negative feelings. However the most important thing to remember is that your relationship with yourself has to be between you and yourself. Don’t let any outside influences ruin that. You can’t depend on the media (social media too), men, or people in general to validate you. That’s something you have to do for yourself. You have to tell yourself that no matter what anyone says or thinks about me as dark skin black woman, I AM beautiful and I AM worthy of being respected. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise. Affirm your beauty and your worth and do it often. The world won’t do that for you so don’t wait for them to. The most important thing to also remember is that you don’t need people to cosign on how you feel about yourself. People don’t have the power to tell you when/how to love yourself! That’s all you baby girl. I promise you that with time you will heal.
When it comes to your sisters, also affirm their beauty any chance you can get. Always tell them how beautiful, smart, and amazing they are. Compliment them on their skin and their hair often. Tell them that no matter what anyone says or thinks they should always know how beautiful they are. Remind them to not let anyone take that away from them. When you’re affirming this to them in a way you’re also doing it for yourself too. It’s important that we build up and empower ourselves and each other as often as possible. In a way it’s very therapeutic and contributes to your healing. Surround yourself with positive people who do that for you too. Anyone who puts you down or simply doesn’t have good energy needs to go. During times like these especially. Surround yourself with loving, positive people. Stay away from ignorant pages that put down black women on twitter/instagram/or whatever else. Unfollow blogs/pages that lack diversity. Surround yourself with images of women that look like you. It’s uplifting and inspiring. Purge your life of all of the people and things that aren’t helping you become a better person everyday.
You’re welcome bae! Girl I’m good but I’ve been missing my advice blog a LOT! This summer (pretty much most of this year) has been so so busy for me. Luckily everything will slow down by September and I can finally go back to answer all of your questions daily. Thank you for being patient with me :) Best wishes ❤❤ xoxo